(She sort of looks like Dakota Fanning’s older sister ^.^)
As I mentioned in my last post I decided to dive into a Cosmopolitan magazine. While doing so I came across a lot of articles that I found very useful. I will probably blog a couple of them later on (but not too many), Cosmo might sue me. (initiates mission impossible soundtrack in 5..4..3..)
Alright, so the name of this Q and A article is “Meet your SNL dating coach”.
Here is what Abby said to do on EVERY first date that you go on.DO: Ask him right off the bat “Can you or can you not make it rain in the club?”
DON’T: Forget to take bleach off your upper lip before you get there.
DO: Make sure your divorce is final.
DON’T: Kiss him on the first date (Sex is fine. Just no kissing)
DO: Ask him how much money he makes. Then, no matter his response, say “Prove it,” and order a lobster for everyone in the restaurant.
DON’T: Call him by your ex boyfriend’s name, unless he actually has the same name as your ex. (Which is just weird.)
DO: Show him pictures of your kids, even if you don’t have any. The test of a real man is how he reacts to your having children that do not exist.
DON’T: Live-blog your date (I lol’d on that one)
DO: Pretend to choke on your dinner, then giggle when he starts to give you the Heimlich and scream, “Psych!” Right in his face. If he laughs, keep him and never let the sucker go.
DON’T: Pay
DO: Ask him what his astrological sign is. When he answers, tell him “I don’t believe in that stuff anyway……”
DON’T: Constantly bring up how death is inevitable
DO: Remember that a bathing suit top can work as a shirt….especially if you want to get laid!
DON’T: Say ‘I love you’, before dessert.
Alright if you want to see the full article it is in the February issue on page 164. I left some of her answers out because they are bit too “in-depth” lol. However, I did think of a few rules myself so read on my minions, read on.DO: Bring your cats to the restaurant, don’t worry he will love them!
DON’T: cry when the waiter’s hair style reminds you of the time you caught your ex boyfriend sexting another man. (Unless the waiter is the other man then its OK)
DO: Bring a TI-84 calculator, don’t worry it will make you look smart.
DON’T: Use it for the bill when he asks to go dutch.
DO: Tell him about you fascination with the Nazi’s. Guys love a good intrigue.
DON’T: Tell him that you are Jewish.
DO: Show him your naked Myspace photo’s.
DON’T: Forget to ask for his.
DO: Tell him that you secretly aspire to reaching section 8 income level at Kinko’s.
DON’T: Forget to lie about your last Hepatitis B Test.
DO: Ask him what his favorite car is and no matter what he answers, say “Well I drive a ‘96 Prius.”
DON’T: Forget to get drunk and tell him about the time you mistook your brother for your boyfriend.
DO: Talk about your secret obsession with MMO gaming, give him the whole scoop…”I have a death knight….level 72….”
DON’T: Talk about the SIMS, no one likes the sims….
DO: Google ‘destination weddings’ on your Blackberry before the appetizer. You have to get things rolling somehow right?
DON’T: Ask him to change his shirt because you think he looks like a female.
DO: Ask him how big his penis is.
DON’T: Forget to laugh when he tells you and then drunkenly scream, “LIAR!”…. If he doesn’t cry; keep him.
DO: Kick him in the shin when walking to the car, that means you like him.
DON’T: Kick him when he’s trying to eat. That isn’t classy. Besides you might have to pay for the food on the floor. No one wants that.
DO: Tell him that you looked him up on the sex offender’s registry.
DON’T: Tell him that you found his name on the list. That might emasculate him.
DO: Make him fill out an application to be your future boyfriend. It makes you seem important.
DON’T: Tell him that he failed, your trying to get laid remember?
DO: When he talks about his grandmothers last birthday yell, “…And that’s what SHE said!!!”.
DON’T: Laugh at your own jokes, that makes you look shallow.
DO: Check your teeth in the reflection of your shot glass.
DON’T: Drink from it after, that’s just gross.
DO: Volunteer to sing karaoke, then while you are up there, mention ALL of your favorite sex positions.
DON’T: Forget to lean into him sexily while eating dinner, once you are inches from his face, say “You have something on your cheek,” Then spit on a napkin and wipe it off for him. Guys LOVE the Freudian Complex.
DO: Update Twitter in 20 Minuit intervals while on the date. Who cares if he’s one of your followers.
DON’T: Forget to smooth things over when he asks about your last tweet, “This guy is such a L-O-S-E-R!! Srsly what a TOOL!”
DO: Let him see you slip a few wine glasses in your purse, Guys love a girl who likes to risk it.
DON’T: Let him see you slip the steak knives in your purse. He may get the wrong impression.
Alright, so there ya have it, the best advice I could give to those who are looking for an interesting first date! On the flip side blogging makes me absolutely no money whatsoever so now I believe it is time to do what every college student dreads…..look for a job.
Also since the fashion post took off so well (the amount of hits were at an all time high) I will be posting some more weird reviews from fashion week soon so keep an eye out!
No comments:
Post a Comment