The Poet's Slave...Part III

In front of the kitchen sink

the well-hung poet

caught his curvaceous lady

took her by surprise

as she stood washing dishes

ripped off her yellow

sexy teddy with his fingers

reached around the

curves of her slender waist

grabbed the globes

of her melon sized milk jugs

pinched the bright

headlights of her nipples

with his fingers and

made her cry out in both

pain and pleasure

with his sexy slaves hands

trapped beneath

the warm and soapy water

he took her right

then and there made her pant

and moan just like

the horny bitch she’d become

[Via http://dapoetslament.wordpress.com]

What Took Ya So Long Old Fart?

She is the granddaughter of my roommate

a sexy brown haired maid

whose curvaceous, buxom hourglass figure

can’t help but turn me on

make me harden with the desire to bed her

between the clean sheets

of the altar of lust sitting in my bedchamber

halter tops and shorts

an itty bitty solid black bikini is all she wears

when not attending classes

down at the local junior college or working at

her job as a Hooter’s waitress

until one afternoon having grown oh so weary

of being teased and turned on

by the voluptuous curves of her lovely body

from behind I caught her

took her by surprise in her grandpa’s kitchen

carried off the bikini clad

twenty year old maid into the lair of my boudoir

where as I laid the bosomy

lass upon my altar of lust she innocently asked

in a low husky whisper

dripping with anticipation even as I tore apart

ripped in half her bikini

from her body, “What took ya so long old fart?”

[Via http://dapoetslament.wordpress.com]

Sexy Katherine Heigl photos

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Willing Prey

I

It was at a party hosted by a buddy

that the brown haired

sky blue eyed two legged dear hunter

found himself being stalked

by a lovely well-stacked ebony goddess

who seemed to only

have eyes for his bowflex crafted body

content to slowly dance

within his arms until the final chiming

of the witching hour

when she took the poet by his hand

cut him from the herd

of milling guests the unapproving glances

coming from the jealous

eyes of her homies and less inclined sistas

to a place of relative

peace and quiet away from the booming

noise of rap music

the useless chatter of beer soaked minds

not far away to the island

of her love so endearing she led DaPoet

II

Out of sight and definitely out of the minds

of her disapproving sistas

hidden within the consolation of  duskiness

of a large walk-in closet

the lovely full-bosomed ebony goddess

slipped out of her dress

released the orbs of her melon sized breasts

from the lacy prison

of the cups of her Victoria Secrets brassiere

pushed the intimate garment

of the pair of panties she was wearing that night

off the curves of her hips down

the well toned silky smooth pedestals of her legs

to the sky blue eyes

of the brown haired and well hung dear hunter

she revealed the nakedness

of her voluptuous, curvaceous and buxom body

who took the ebony goddess

drew the willing two legged chocolate bunny

into the captivating embrace

of his arms and kissed her exquisitely full lips

III

Concealed within the shadowy darkness

in a sea of clothe and shoes

the ebony goddess and her willing prey

lay entwined upon the floor

above the sounds of booming rap music

the laughter of the guests

could be head the cries made by the lovely

naked chocolate bunny

when at last with a single thrust of his hips

she felt the hidden opening

of her womanhood fully engulf the entire

length of the rock hard shaft

of her preys oh so throbbing masculinity

when he entered her pussy

soaring high above the clouds of ecstasy

within each others arms

they levitated as the flower of their love

sank its ever thirsty roots

ever deeper downward into their very souls

while entwining its leaves

about the rosebuds of their beating hearts

until at last within a rush

together both their loins burst into flames

as the flower of their love

blossomed when at last they came as one

[Via http://dapoetslament.wordpress.com]

New Neutrals

The nude pump. Everyone’s telling you you need a pair. Well, they’re right. You do! Nude pumps work for the office and for going out with dresses of all colors and textures. Brightly colored sundress with a cardigan to the office? Check. Black dress for going out? Check. That oddly colored skirt you can’t pair anything with? Check.

I, for one, am not quite sure how I have survived so many years without them.  Probably because I was (delusionally) holding out for a pair by Christian Louboutin. At 18, I thought surely by 24 I’d be wealthy and successful enough to own a pair of $600 pumps. Clearly, I was confused.  The dream shoe, Christian Louboutin Decollette 100 Pumps are available at www.net-a-porter.com for $595.

For the rest of us, I offer you the runner-ups for your must-have shoe for work, play, night, day, and pretty much all around success in your fashion life. The requirements: beige/camel/nude tone, round or almond toe (pointy toes? really?), patent, comfortable, and heel three-inches or above. Because, a heel less than three inches is no heel at all. Peep toes are great too, but difficult to wear year-round. Do you want your stocking covered toes peeping out of your nude heel? I think not.

The 3 incher: Kate Spade’s Karolina. Standard, non-offensive round-toed pump. I can vouch for the comfort of Kate Spade’s pumps as I own several pairs. ($298, at Piperlime or Kate Spade).

The 3.75 incher: Franco Sarto’s Napoli Pump. Slightly taller, slightly sexier, and in a lighter, more neutral nude tone. Budget-friendly, too ($89.95, Endless).

The 4 incher: Nude Footwear’s “Milan” Patent Pump is a taller, more modern alternative with the hidden platform ($110, Piperlime).

Coming in at 4.75 inches: Dolce Vita’s Madison Platform Pump, a favorite of fellow Brunch Bitch Becca ($119, Endless).

[Via http://bitcheswhobrunchdc.wordpress.com]

World's First Naked Ceilidh Set For Edinburgh

The world’s first naked ceilidh is to take place in Edinburgh later this month.

Organisers are looking for people over the age of 18 “of every shape and size” to bare all at the event in the Capital’s new traditional Scottish pub and ceilidh venue, Ghillie Dhu. Dances suggested include strip the willow and the “flashing” white sergeant.

The Sunday 28 March event is the brainchild of photographer Alistair Devine, and will also form the third in his series of “naked-art photo-shoots”.

Anyone interested in taking part should call 0141-270 4141.

[Via http://alindenauer.wordpress.com]

Six Sexy Nudes

A handful of  photos of nudes by Sansreproache

.

All photos creative commons

Sansreproache’s sets of female nudes

[Via http://cliffmichaels.wordpress.com]

As a child I dreamed of white women

I can remember growing up in a house where I was taught by my mother on how “the white woman was evil” how I went to an aalmost all black and hispanic school in L.A. how for a long time I thought I would grow up and marry a black woman.

But as I lay in my superhero PJ’s and fell to sleep I would dream. Sometimes of flying, being a superhero, becoming president, saving the world and having a white woman at my side. Somehow despite not really interacting with any white women I still yearned for them.

I could not control my dreams, my thoughts, and when I hit puberty man did things get CRAZY! Talk about wet dreams galore, white women were constantly in my head. Once I enrolled into a new school where the population of students was more diverse I knew within me that things were changing. My dreams were getting a lot more explicit as well with these white women. But perhaps I’ll tackle this subject in more detail at another time. Gotta keep you guys waiting right?

The point of the matter is, even at a young age I liked white women more. Despite everything, maybe skin preference is more than just skin preference. And maybe its something that you are somewhat born with. It is an interesting thought, it is a baffiling mystery. One I shall continue to explore.

I couldn't wait to fall asleep...

w

[Via http://evanthames.wordpress.com]

Bitchin

I know I haven’t posted in a while, there won’t be much of an apology or a large amount of news in this post to make up for it.

Instead this will really be like a bitch post. So feel free to click the “x” at the top of the screen and go on with your internet surfing.

Thanks for staying though, you know those days when you sit through your classes listening nodding to show the professor that you are some what paying attention to what they are saying, then you eat, and continue on with class. Not really feeling too motivated and just want to get on with the day. Well today was a day, not sure why, no problems in the love life, not a bad night sleep, not even like someone did something to piss me off. Just a day that was some what plain. To add onto that it was time for a new class for my mandatory art foundations course. Figure drawing, the human figure… nude. Now, as a photographer I have a great appreciation for the human body and I have no problem viewing it in a non sexual way, but for the first day of a class with a new professor to simply be to jump in full force on a new thing and more or less 2 hours of a nude woman laying down in a skewed position with skeleton bones around her – and placed in\around areas that are exposed – is sort of like the topping on the cake.. but not a good tasting cake but instead a cake that no one wants to eat, like a fruit cake.

So I think the real reason for this bitchin is for the pure fact that this class made me think “how is this going to help me reach my goal of becoming a better photographer”, I get being able to do basic drawing, understanding color, be able to do 2d work and even 3d work to understand the way humans can interact with artwork. But this? To subject students to something so technical as the human body to me just seems obscene. I would rather be able to focus on photographer, or be able to complete a required course but instead the next 8 weeks (2 weeks a class, 2 hours a class so a total of 32 hours) will be spent drawing the human body?

My final paragraph will be short and simple. I want you, the readers opinion. If this was a photographer class in which the objective was to photograph the human body in this form would it be considered pornography? And if so what to you is the defining line of art vs pornography.

[Via http://dflipsrant.wordpress.com]

Suicide Girl on a Sofa

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.

By SuicideGirls

creative commons license

SuicideGirls’ Flickr site offers just shy of three thousand sexy photos. I’m not sure if it is an individual’s site or a corporate site. Here’s how suicideGirl describes itself on its profile page:

SuicideGirls is a contemporary lifestyle brand. Combining the DIY attitude of underground culture with a vibrant, sex positive community of women (and men), the company was founded on the belief that creativity, personality and intelligence are not incompatible with sexy, compelling entertainment, and millions of people agree. The site mixes the smarts, enthusiasm and DIY attitude of the best music and alternative culture sites with an unapologetic, grassroots approach to sexuality.

Here’s the girls MySpace page; and this is their web site. And, yes, here is a quote from the group’s Wikipedia page:

SuicideGirls is a website that features softcore pin-up-style photos and text profiles of goth, punk and indie-styled young women (although styles reminiscent of the 1940s and ’50s pin-up models are also incorporated) who themselves are known as the “Suicide Girls”. The site also functions as an online community with member profiles and message boards, and features interviews with major figures in both popular and alternative culture. Access to most of the site requires a paid membership.

Whether you visit their Flickr pages, their own site or even their MySpace pages, SuicideGirls will delight you with its thousands of photos of sexy women!

[Via http://cliffmichaels.wordpress.com]

Child Porn machines to arrive at my local airport.

Looks like the TSA is planning on expanding their child porn industry to new markets.

[ARTICLE]

By this summer, they want to install body scanners in the airports of the following cities:

Fort Lauderdale, Florida; San Jose, San Diego, Los Angeles and Oakland, California; Columbus, Ohio; Charlotte, North Carolina; Cincinnati; and Kansas City.

The TSA assured us that the naked images generated by these machines could not be saved, stored, transmitted, or printed in anyway and that the images were automatically erased after the inspection. Even if that were true, virtually strip-searching someone at random who hasn’t done anything wrong or given you any probable cause is still a huge problem.

But we know now that the TSA was lying to us when they told us our privacy would be protected. According to this story [LINK], a famous Indian actor named Shah Rukh Khan recently had an experience with these body-scanners in London. He stepped through the mahine…

‘Then I saw these girls – they had these printouts. I looked at them. I thought they were some forms you had to fill. I said ‘give them to me’ – and you could see everything inside. So I autographed them for them.’

Hold on, I thought I was impossible to print the images. Oops. The TSA lied. Scumbags.

You might be one of these armchair security hawks who says “What do I care? I don’t have anything to hide.” But I wonder if you would want your wife to go through one of these things. How about your daughter or son? It’s the perfect job for a pervert. They can look at naked pictures of young boys and girls all day and not worry about getting in trouble.

Leave me a comment and tell me what you think about these body-scanners. Do they violate the 4th Amendment which states:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

[Via http://donttreadonmike.wordpress.com]

Depend 192

This is a nude polish from the Swedish brand Depend. It’s way too light for me, and a bit more on the “gray” side than the H&M one! It’s a really good formula, and this was three coats! I really like this one! I think it would make a great pedicure polish!

Here is a picture comparing the H&M and The Depend!

[Via http://bottleofpolish.wordpress.com]

3 Years BP: Pretty Insides

After a break up and a bout of binge drinking before a blood test, I found myself in a hospital gown at eight in the morning.

As I’m sitting awkwardly on the table waiting to be examined, a young blonde girl with a tight ponytail comes into the room. Immediately I’m self-conscious, and wonder what happened to the nice middle-aged Indian woman who had greeted me, and told me to undress.

I’m Nicole.

I introduce myself, and we get to know each other while she rubs jelly on my stomach. She asks where I live in town, and I tell her. She mentions how she would weekly go get pastries and Slurpees down the block from me. I returned the favor and asked where she lived, right near a place I had a part time job.

We’ve probably run into each other a million times without knowing it.

And she’s pretty, and I’m in a backless gown so I just let out one thing.

Probably.

You don’t mind that I’m practicing on you do you?

No, not at all.

You have really nice looking insides.

I just stare at her. You don’t hear that compliment often, unless you know serial killers. She started to back peddle.

I meant I can see everything easily. I get a lot of old people in here. It’s a refreshing change.

Thirty minutes later she’s finally done taking pictures of my organs, and I wonder what base putting jelly on my stomach is. I’d just met her and she saw way more of me than the three-year relationship I’d just gotten out of.  And when it was over, I couldn’t get myself to say anything close to asking her out, I just smile and sheepishly walk away.

[Via http://100girls100days.com]

A Photographer's Muse

I’m no model, by any means, but the photographers I hang with all want to photograph me.  The say I’m “absolutely gorgeous” and they “love my skin…”  Matter of fact, a sculptress said to me, “your face is very symmetrical, which in artist speak means that you’re beautiful.”

So a few weeks ago, my coworker asked me to model for him and yesterday I finally told him I would do it.  This ain’t no ordinary modeling.  He wants me nude.  I’ve never done anything like it before and the thought of it scares me.  But it is the perfect artistic piece I am looking to put in my bedroom.  My biggest issue with it though is that it’s my COWORKER and having him see me nude will change our whole working relationship.  It will definitely be awkward for me, but like everything else, I guess I will get through it and over it.

[Via http://coquettessoliloquy.wordpress.com]

Nothing But a Smile...

Nudity is fine. Visions enjoys ogling nude women as much as the next blog. But body parts are body parts; what makes a woman unique in her appeal is her personality (stop laughing, its true); and nothing reveals personality more than a woman’s smile. The delightful young woman in this post may not make her own clothes, but she sure has a gorgeous smile. As you can see, the rest of her is just as  gorgeous, too! NOTHING BUT A SMILE Only Flickr members with safe search OFF will see this photo. Join Flickr free.

[Via http://cliffmichaels.wordpress.com]

Abbey naked nubiles teen girl

ABOUT Abbey: Abbey is an amazing Nubile who is not afraid to try new things. She loved riding the Sybian and even more than that she enjoyed having her super tight pussy stretched by a rocked cock! Abbey has tons of content that will surely bring a smile to your face!

[Via http://nubilesblog.wordpress.com]

I Love Love Magazine

can you live without the “Multi-Media ExtraVaganza”? if not: see the Blog of Love Magazine ..also ZiZa.Es has a fabulous link called: Supermodelos En Love Magazine ..I live today The Suburban ExtraVaganza which has been as plain as: too much coffee&cigarettes ..and BananaSplit Ice Cream..Naughty Thoughts& Sex have not crossed my mind lately:( life has been totally casual–> something has to happen soon, Man:-P but I don t worry too much about the simple life; the Magical?( or maybe just Bumby?)Weekend in Urban Concrete Jungle begins TomorrowXOXO

[Via http://missanjelina.wordpress.com]

What an Astro Scoop!!! Update on Angelina Jolie Unraveled

Talk about reforms!!  On Friday Tiger Woods apologized, then Jon Voight, the long-estranged father of Angelina Jolie, shows up in Venice, Italy over the weekend to meet the Jolie-Pitt clan!  Photographers nabbed Voight on his way home at LAX on Sunday.  By Monday a barage of photographs were online depicting an outing of the Jolie-Pitt clan with Grandpa Voight via a Venice Water Taxi. To see the pictures, go to: http://www.radaronline.com/photos/image/47405/2010/02/angelina-jolie-reunites-dad. You may recall that several years ago Voight made a heinous public faux pas saying his daughter Angelina had “serious mental problems.”

Nude’s 2-Cent Aside: Daah! Dad! If you weren’t around, what did you expect. There’s a couple of books the world would like to share with you about the devastation daughters experience when Dad has flown the chicken coop. Can we drop the insensitivity here!

So that YOU understand the dynamics at play here let’s begin with the fact that Jon Voight is also the father of actor James Haven. This makes James Haven the biological brother of Angelina Jolie.   Rumor has it that the two are very close.  Also, it needs to be said that Jon Voight’s divorce from Angelina’s Mom (Marcheline Bertrand), required Mom to fess up to the kids.  Her claim was that Dad cheated. Angelina, being the good daughter, never doubted Mom. So, many years ago the seeds of estrangement between father and daughter were set.

In an earlier post on Roses, Chocolates, Toxic Friends and Angelina Jolie Unraveled (http://wp.me/pJyvs-59 ), I told you that one of Angelina’s most toxic associations was within her family and for the rest of her life she would have to deal with a Benedict Arnold in the bloodline. I showed you her lifelong cross to bear with Saturn in the decan of Pluto, Cancer, 7th house and the possibility that a relative may really be an enemy via the Arabic Part of Enemies, 3rd house. Well, if Angelina, Brad or one of her non-toxic friends DOESN’T read the blogs by the Nude Provocateuse call me a…

When the Downer Happens to Be Dad…

Yet, even though Florence Isaacs, the author of Toxic Friends/True Friends recommends ditching the downers, how does one totally ditch their Dad? Lucky for Angelina, Brad was there with the adhesive to mend fences. He was the one who encouraged Angelina to try again with her famous father because he thought Voight “deserved a second chance.” To read more go to: http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/02/24/2010-02-24_brad_pitt_and_actor_james_haven_helped_plan_reunion_between_angelina_jolie_and_f.html#ixzz0gTj0nUSAlso, you can read the entire article by Florence Issacs at:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/toxic-friends-the-5-types-of-quot-friends-quot-you-should-avoid-580196/

The Hunt for a Rumor Source

Check out this quote: “The visit actually went really well, and Angie’s thrilled he got on really well with all her kids,” the source told E! “She’s grown up a lot, and forgiving Jon is a huge step.”

After reading the Gossip quote, I’m sure you’ll agree that the source sounds like a close relative.  Could this be James Haven himself!?!  It’s been alleged that he and Brad worked on this re-union. The good news is that the news I allege James offered is not hideous. The bad news is that the type of info James may have offered doesn’t sell tabloids. Sadly, he probably doesn’t get many direct calls from rags like News of the World.

So, let’s get a grasp on what may have happened here.  Let’s say six weeks ago James Haven called his Dad Jon Voight.  Dad get’s an update from son about daughter.  Later, Dad has a few drinks with close friends and a slip of the old vodka tongue causes him to blurt out a sentence or two about Angelina and Brad.  His tone is filled with all the anomosity that’s been brewing for years.  He even adds his fears that the relationship will sour – for this reason and that – just like his marriage with her Mom (Marcheline Bertrand).  The hired help at the Voight home in the guise of Butler/Hostess/Server over hears this slurred yet audible blurt and runs to the backyard, pulls out their cell phone and calls News of the World! Butler/Hostess/Server receives check and the snowball of gossip about divorce, Angelina and Brad not being seen together, and Brad going back to his ex-wife Jen begins.

Nude’s 2-Cent Aside: Do you think as I do that after Angelina and Brad filed a lawsuit against News of the World the truth of who really leaked the dirt about divorce came out?  Do you think Brad was more than mildly shocked that the source was his father-in-law?

An Unwitting Enemy

As you can see, poor James looks like the enemy for saying something in the first place Dad. What’s up with James?  He knew his Dad was still steaming about being snubbed by his superstar daughter.

With all due respect to Brad, we saw a masterful move to help the love of his life reform her relationship with Dad Jon Voight and curtail a possible rumor source. It may have worked! Jon Voight declined to comment even though he was barraged by reporters at LAX upon his return. Say, he hadn’t had a state-side Vodka Martini yet!!!

Did Brad’s Idea Work?

Let’s dwelve into the truth a little more. Below is the Desire for Reforms eclipse chart for Venice, Italy; the Transit Chart for Venice dated Sunday, February 22 at 7:45 pm, and Angelina Jolie’s Birth Chart. The Desire chart is on the inner wheel, the Transit Chart is in the middle wheel and Angelina’s Birth Chart is on the outer wheel. Now let’s ask the question: Did it work?  To see a larger view of the chart below, just click once in the middle of the image.

From my online view, Brad has once again earned major kudos. I have just one last suggestion. The next time Brad meets up with his brother-in-law James, he should ask him to not share his thoughts about Angelina’s life with anyone especially Dad. The exception is planned promotional events and James should understand this one because he’ll be called by Angelina’s or Brad’s Agent.  Also, he should suggest that if James must, he should share family secrets only with Jesus. I must say, Jesus is a wonderful listener and the best confidante money can’t buy.

But, hold on folks, Angelina’s not out of the woods yet. Sometime in late summer or early fall 2010, Saturn will start nearing Angelina’s Pluto in the 7th house. The Toxic Friends will be back and this time with a humdinger. Rest assured, the Nude Provocateuse will be here with the cloak and dagger astro interpretations at your service.

Say, I’m still working on that Bi-quintile Report. The aspect will be exact tomorrow.

Peace!

Nude Provocateuse

About the Series: Since the time of the Pharoahs, eclipses have marked our major historical events especially the rise and fall of empires. The Rise of Obama Series (TRO) by The Nude Provocateuse (aka The_Betty) is based on the premise that the Eclipse of August 1, 2008 was the astronomical event opening the road for Barack Obama’s assent to the presidency, and the Desire for Reforms Eclipse of July 21, 2009 is responsible for influencing his 2009-10 political agenda. This series is written as News, Political News, News and Commentary, and serves as basic astrological research not for profit or resale in accordance with the Copyright Act of 1976, 17 USC, Section 107. To learn more about this code go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fair_use or email me at llazaro633@yahoo.com.

[Via http://nudeprovacateuse.wordpress.com]

Celeb look-alike Vol. 1(?)

Am I the only one who thinks that, Madeleine Dupont, the skip for the Danish women’s curling team looks a lot like a chunkier Dee from Always Sunny?  Am I!? 

Regardless, Dupont was recently bitching that the fans at the curling events were behaving inappropriately by yelling loudly– and it resulted in her performing badly.  

Gimme a friggin break.   Aiming a rock down some ice is no more difficult than hitting a free throw in crunch time or hitting a golf ball down the fareway.  So stop yer whinin!

Oh, and she posed nude too.  You can search the internet if you’re into that kind of stufffffff.

But anyways, back to my original point.  Let your vote be heard! 

View This Poll

surveys

[Via http://fannypackninjas.wordpress.com]

Funny dating rules garunteed to Fail as told by (Abby Elliott) SNL

(She sort of looks like Dakota Fanning’s older sister ^.^)

As I mentioned in my last post I decided to dive into a Cosmopolitan magazine. While doing so I came across a lot of articles that I found very useful. I will probably blog a couple of them later on (but not too many), Cosmo might sue me. (initiates mission impossible soundtrack in 5..4..3..)

Alright, so the name of this Q and A article is “Meet your SNL dating coach”.

Here is what Abby said to do on EVERY first date that you go on.

DO: Ask him right off the bat “Can you or can you not make it rain in the club?”

DON’T: Forget to take bleach off your upper lip before you get there.

DO: Make sure your divorce is final.

DON’T: Kiss him on the first date (Sex is fine. Just no kissing)

DO: Ask him how much money he makes. Then, no matter his response, say “Prove it,” and order a lobster for everyone in the restaurant.

DON’T: Call him by your ex boyfriend’s name, unless he actually has the same name as your ex. (Which is just weird.)

DO: Show him pictures of your kids, even if you don’t have any. The test of a real man is how he reacts to your having children that do not exist.

DON’T: Live-blog your date (I lol’d on that one)

DO: Pretend to choke on your dinner, then giggle when he starts to give you the Heimlich and scream, “Psych!” Right in his face. If he laughs, keep him and never let the sucker go.

DON’T: Pay

DO: Ask him what his astrological sign is. When he answers, tell him “I don’t believe in that stuff anyway……”

DON’T: Constantly bring up how death is inevitable

DO: Remember that a bathing suit top can work as a shirt….especially if you want to get laid!

DON’T: Say ‘I love you’, before dessert.

Alright if you want to see the full article it is in the February issue on page 164. I left some of her answers out because they are bit too “in-depth” lol. However, I did think of a few rules myself so read on my minions, read on.

DO: Bring your cats to the restaurant, don’t worry he will love them!

DON’T: cry when the waiter’s hair style reminds you of the time you caught your ex boyfriend sexting another man. (Unless the waiter is the other man then its OK)

DO: Bring a TI-84 calculator, don’t worry it will make you look smart.

DON’T: Use it for the bill when he asks to go dutch.

DO: Tell him about you fascination with the Nazi’s. Guys love a good intrigue.

DON’T: Tell him that you are Jewish.

DO: Show him your naked Myspace photo’s.

DON’T: Forget to ask for his.

DO:  Tell him that you secretly aspire to reaching section 8 income level at Kinko’s.

DON’T: Forget to lie about your last Hepatitis B Test.

DO: Ask him what his favorite car is and no matter what he answers, say “Well I drive a ‘96 Prius.”

DON’T: Forget to get drunk and tell him about the time you mistook your brother for your boyfriend.

DO: Talk about your secret obsession with MMO gaming, give him the whole scoop…”I have a death knight….level 72….”

DON’T: Talk about the SIMS, no one likes the sims….

DO: Google ‘destination weddings’ on your Blackberry before the appetizer. You have to get things rolling somehow right?

DON’T: Ask him to change his shirt because you think he looks like a female.

DO: Ask him how big his penis is.

DON’T: Forget to laugh when he tells you and then drunkenly scream, “LIAR!”…. If he doesn’t cry; keep him.

DO: Kick him in the shin when walking to the car, that means you like him.

DON’T: Kick him when he’s trying to eat. That isn’t classy. Besides you might have to pay for the food on the floor. No one wants that.

DO: Tell him that you looked him up on the sex offender’s registry.

DON’T: Tell him that you found his name on the list. That might emasculate him.

DO: Make him fill out an application to be your future boyfriend. It makes you seem important.

DON’T: Tell him that he failed, your trying to get laid remember?

DO: When he talks about his grandmothers last birthday yell, “…And that’s what SHE said!!!”.

DON’T: Laugh at your own jokes, that makes you look shallow.

DO: Check your teeth in the reflection of your shot glass.

DON’T: Drink from it after, that’s just gross.

DO: Volunteer to sing karaoke, then while you are up there, mention ALL of your favorite sex positions.

DON’T: Forget to lean into him sexily while eating dinner, once you are inches from his face, say “You have something on your cheek,” Then spit on a napkin and wipe it off for him. Guys LOVE the Freudian Complex.

DO: Update Twitter in 20 Minuit intervals while on the date. Who cares if he’s one of your followers.

DON’T: Forget to smooth things over when he asks about your last tweet, “This guy is such a L-O-S-E-R!! Srsly what a TOOL!”

DO: Let him see you slip a few wine glasses in your purse, Guys love a girl who likes to risk it.

DON’T: Let him see you slip the steak knives in your purse. He may get the wrong impression.

Alright, so there ya have it, the best advice I could give to those who are looking for an interesting first date! On the flip side blogging makes me absolutely no money whatsoever so now I believe it is time to do what every college student dreads…..look for a job.

Also since the fashion post took off so well (the amount of hits were at an all time high) I will be posting some more weird reviews from fashion week soon so keep an eye out!

[Via http://sugako.wordpress.com]

(Nude) Human Furniture Photos

As not seen in Ikea - could be a Billy Bookcase though?

As it happens, I need a new book case for the lounge. I wonder if they make a corner unit though?

Sometimes you stumble upon the oddest things when trawling the internet. I found this at one of my favorite design and architecture sites. The artist has used the male nude in a variety of poses to act as furniture items you might use in your home.

It reminds me that someone was telling me of a website where you can advertise for people to come and “work” in your home for free. They would do pretty much anything, serve food and drink, be lead around on a lead like a pet, or in one case, act as a coffee table for the evening. The one condition is that they do it naked. Yup – completely nude. They get their pleasure from serving you and therefore no payment is required. Just the thing to liven up my next cocktail evening perhaps?

Unfortunately, I do not have the web address (otherwise dear reader, be assured that I would be sharing it with you)! If anyone out there knows of such a website for the London area, please let me know!!

Back to the main story (I am easily distracted) – you can find further information and pictures here :Strange Human Furniture Photos (Not Safe, Nor Work) | Designs & Ideas on Dornob.

[Via http://thebiggayal.wordpress.com]

An Introduction to Anal Sex

Anal sex, this is everybody.  Everybody, this is Anal sex.  Now we have the formalities out of they way, let’s have a good look at anal sex.

Anal Sex is apparently, the New Black.  Surveys tell us that everyone is doing it.  For teen girls not wanting to get pregnant, it used to be a hand job or a blowjob in the back of the car, but now it’s taking it in the backdoor that is in vogue.  According to an online survey I read today on Boing Boing, lots of people at MIT are having anal sex.  Have a look at the graph:

Not bad for a supposedly taboo subject!!

83.6% of sexually active respondents to an MIT sex survey have at least tried anal sex.  At least that’s how I read that graph.

So, on to more specific things!

I like anal sex.  I can orgasm this way.  I also understand that it can be intimidating, uncomfortable, embarrassing and downright painful.  So, how to start if you are new to it?

First off, I am writing this from a woman’s perspective, as that is the only one I have.

If you haven’t been initiated into the pleasures of anal sex, you need to remember a few things.

• Start small.  You don’t want to be putting anything like this inside you the first time.  A finger is good for a first time experience, but remember, make sure they cut their nails!
• Start slow.  A bum is different to a pussy.  It is smaller and tighter.  It doesn’t relax as easily.
• Be gentle.  The last thing you want is someone slamming away in there with little regard for you, it is different to vaginal sex.
• Use lube.  Lots.  When you think you have enough, use more.  The anus doesn’t self lubricate, and skin or what have you pulling on skin can get uncomfortable and painful quickly.
• Use a condom, especially if you want any other type of sex later.  It keeps him clean, keeps toys clean, protects from infections, and makes clean up easier.

Men, take your time, be respectful, and take no for an answer.  Also, don’t be rough.  At least, not until you are asked to be.

Anal sex isn’t for everybody, and I like it only occasionally.  It is great when I do get it, and the orgasms are different to a vaginal or clitoral orgasm, but no less intense.  It is a fantastic addition to our sexual repertoire.

And variety is the spice of life!

Love,

Chiquita

x

www.cheapsextoys.co.nz

No Complaints, Only Moans

[Via http://cheapsextoysonline.wordpress.com]

Sensuality & Femininity - Aesthetic and Objective Art

. Only Flickr members with safe search OFF will see the photos. Join Flickr free. Sounds like a graduate school seminar, doesn’t it? Something in the modernculture series,perhaps, with dense, turgidly written books and articles required reading. Fellow students with bad skin and black glasses… Nope, the Flickr pool bearing this overly pretentious appellation is chock full of remarkable sexy photographs!

.

Read all of Visions

[Via http://cliffmichaels.wordpress.com]

Random Girls 2

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Day 100/101 (2/13/10-2/14/10): My Bloody Ballantine

Since about day 4, I’ve been getting questions and concerns about where this will all end. Because, it had to have an ending, right? On day one-hundred when I magically pick the girl of my dreams and we live happily ever after into the sunset. But this isn’t that ending. This isn’t that story. I spent half the day reading in my apartment. I spent the other half chain-smoking and walking around the Village with Kevin Devine on an infinite loop. I went to a diner and jotted some notes down with a Denver Omelet, and a bottomless cup of coffee and my flask of Jameson I’ve had in my bag for about a week, finally polishing it off. Before I knew it was dark and I was in front of a liquor store, an all too familiar scenario.

I perused the aisles for something to bite my fancy. I got a bottle of twelve-year Ballantine’s because I felt like springing for a nice drunk. The female clerk looked at me with pity and wished me a happy Valentine’s, before putting it in the brown paper bag. I didn’t even wait til the Subway to crack it open. And when I got on the subway and off at her stop.

77 Days ago I was in this position, in the exact opposite of circumstances. I was sober, earnest, and really wanted to make a go for it.  But when I got up to her apartment, and she looked at me through chain-locked door gap. And three words were the magical phrase to get the door open.

I brought scotch.

She took it out of the bag.

You opened it?

Sorry. Happy Valentines.

What happened to your perfect girl?

I don’t want perfect, I want you.

She immediately punched me and smacked me upside the head, telling me that was the cheesiest thing she ever heard. I told her I was still drunk, and I’d have fresher material if she let me take her to dinner.  She told me no, and that wasn’t ever gonna happen. And then she kissed me. And I kissed back. She bit my lip and drew blood, I took a sip from the bottle. We stood there drinking and kissing for minutes before we took it to her couch, all the while drinking and kissing our way over.

Three hours later the scotch was gone and I was staring at her ceiling while she snored on my chest. I was picking the the new scab on my lip, when she woke up from it, and started kissing me and reopening the wound. We fooled around again, and I got that look in my eye, when she repeated her no.

On day 100, I had another night of drunk sex that we pretended meant a whole lot less. More times than not you wind up having drunk sex with your friend because your both confused, lonely, misguided people, who happen to enjoy the finer points of both scotch & sex. I don’t think I’m gonna wind up with Kara, and I don’t pretend to think it’s nothing more than a constant conscious mistake I keep letting myself make while better things come around, but maybe in the next 100 days or another 100 dates, I’ll find something that works.

[Via http://100girls100days.com]

Abi Titmuss strips

[Via http://indianmms.wordpress.com]